Picture this dear reader if you will, the scene is set just a few hours before the weekend’s highlight of a dirty sausage. 12 blue lipped hockey enthusiasts shed their cosy, warm and inviting attires, stepping out onto a twinkling astroturf. With time of the essence the pre-match stretching and exercise drills began, in the hope that at least one body part might warm up prior to the match whistle. Despite at least 2 dedicated players fighting the snot induced (wo)man flu, with coughs that could be heard for miles around, the match began.
The Siders fought with gusto and braved the chilling temperature, it was not long before what can only be described as a bleary eyed umpire, blew his whistle and Tina’s penalty flick virginity was lost. Southampton 3s had scored their first goal in the bottom left. Siders refused to let this misconstrued decision get the better of them.

With renewed zest Siders fought back determined for justice, having had majority of the game’s pressure in the opposition’s zone. 4th top league scorer Katie McAuley smashed it, pummelling one into the back of the boards – ‘ave it!!! 1-1. Siders stayed strong and focussed, in spite of that a speedy legged Southampton player snuck past and scored another, 2-1.

Half time arrived and with that some bloody good oranges and a rousing spirit spurring talk from Captain Coolio that could rival Fight Club’s, the second half commenced. With a rumoured Welsh International player opposing the Siders, the game was stepped up. Siders fought on, attacking, defending, bewildered by certain whistles (no warnings/cards though – high five!), fighting for the chance to get a goal, when a slippery snake of a Sotoner slithered the ball into the goal, 3-1.

A brief rest was had as an unfortunate dancing on ice inspired Soton player hit the deck and had to be escorted off the pitch (fingers crossed no broken bones). Siders used the time wisely and strategised for the short corner that had been won, however the hockey gods were not on side for the Siders, despite their unrelenting pressure and attacking in the” D”, no goal was to be had, yet. But wait! After some agile passing, the eagle eyed Katy spotted an opportunity and the goal difference narrowed once more, 3-2.

With the ever watchful eye of the go-pro and the echoes of whisperings from their moonlighting coaches, the opposition scored, their final goal to dirty Tina’s sheets, 4-2.

Siders fought hard and fought on with consistently confident play from Captain Coolio, not yet booked for back chat Becca and energetic Emma, coupled with Nifty Nash’s break through from the back, with some slick stick work and lustful linear strikes to the girls up front, more goals felt like they were at their fingertips.    

Nash could sense it – the player of the match could be hers for the taking, having never won anything in 24 years (except POM a few weeks ago), with her dad and Bryan watching at the sidelines, she knew it was now or never. 

Unfortunately it was to be never (for now at least), as her face contorted in disbelief as the ball glided off her stick hitting Tina’s boards, resulting in 5-2.

As the team warmed back up to a temperature deemed appropriate, the team’s votes for POM was cast.  

Dudley!! For her brilliantly tracked runs back into defence and timely tackles.  

Having discovered only one vote had dashed Nash’s hopes of POM, she proceeded to give a rendition, in true X factor audition style, of how; having never won anything in 24 years, with her dad only ever attending her hockey matches 3 times – today being one of them, perhaps something about one kidney you know, the usual spiel and wanting to make them proud (her dad and Bryan – not the kidney, obvs) she should get POM. In good humour Nash accepted fate and succeeded to Dudley’s masterful hockey artistry and continued munching her dirty sausage.  

Well done Dudley for Player of the Match and watch this space for Siders strike back.     

Silky over and out